Military intelligence has confirmed that Osama Bin Laden is hiding at your local Starbucks and is armed with weapons-of-mass-caffeination, or frappucinos-of-mass-destruction.
President Bush has announced that all remaining troops in the United States are being sent in to spread freedom and liberty to all the poor, suffering people of Starbucks, and to overthrow the current government of the aforementioned "islamic terrorist agency."
Okay, not really, but it could happen. Starbucks has delicious frappucinos, but their stores are everywhere. While Wal-Mart sells products at low, low prices, but they pretty much import Chinese goods for us to stock up on in case there is a lead or plastic shortage somewhere in the future.
I have two very funny, stupid, entertaining, and laughable quotes that I have heard recently, and one that is a bit older. I'll share anyway:
Our first quote comes from a middle-aged woman, seemingly well-educated, who told her two kids at a local pizzeria that "Puerto Rico is a state."
Now, don't get me wrong, Puerto is kind of like a state, but it's a commonwealth, not a state. If that were the case, the American flag would have 51 stars, not 5o. I'm from Puerto Rico, so hearing this really brought a smirk to my face. If you don't know a simple fact like that, don't tell your kids, unless we are talking about Santa Claus.
Our second quote comes from a recent fuck-up from Colorado legislator Douglas Bruce, who said the following: "I would like to have the opportunity to state at the microphone why I don't think we need 5,000 more illiterate peasants in Colorado," then had the nerve to defend his comment by saying the following:
"I looked up 'illiterate' in the dictionary and it means somebody who is lacking in formal education or is unable to read and write," he said. "I don't think these people who are planning to come over here and pick potatoes or peaches are likely to have much of a formal education. I looked up the word 'peasant.' The word 'peasant' means a person who works in agricultural fields.
"These people, most of them, don't speak English. Most of them haven't had any formal education, that's why they're coming over here. I don't blame them for trying, but I don't think we should pave the way for more aliens to come here,"If Mr. Bruce has the tenacity to pick up a dictionary to double-check his facts, maybe he should have paid Mr. Encyclopedia a visit and realised that Mexicans speak SPANISH! They're coming over here is related to education? What I understand about illegal immigrants from Mexcio, is that NAFTA has eternally fucked their economy, and instead of living under the control of drug gangs and earning a salary that is inferior to stable living conditions, they cross the border in order to make more money so that they and their families can live better than when they lived in Mexico. Oh, and if his rhetoric was not supposed to be inflammatory, then maybe he should have used the word "farmer," not "peasant," which also means "a coarse, unsophisticated, boorish, uneducated person of little financial means."
I am so sick of the uneducated and racial approach lawmakers and citizens have in this country towards Mexican immigrants. I feel like I am in a minority by thinking that they are not here to steal jobs, to not pay taxes and enjoy doing it, to take over this country, or to destroy American values. People need to read up on their facts and try and rally for their cause, because they need help, not prejudice.
Finally, our other quote comes from the Fox News crawl, which said something about terrorists being held in "Guantanamo Bay, Puerto Rico."
I think that's a fairly obvious error, but just to clarify, Guantanamo Bay is in Cuba. Yes, it happened a few months ago, but it still is a clear representation of the idiocy that is rampant in this nation.
As for politics, I must say that I believe it is time for Hillary Clinton to concede to Obama this election. Yes, I believe she still could win, but I came to the conclusion that she would be brutalized in the national election from looking through the cards at Target. I know it seems simple, but the whole media attack on Clinton has absolutely destroyed her candidacy. People regard her as something sinister and even the card companies profit by making fun of her. Obama gets a simple "thought this would look good on your table," while Clinton is attacked nearly as much as Bush.
I liked the 90's, we had prosperity, and I didn't feel like every minute our country was getting worse. I believe Clinton is the better candidate, but I like Obama's policies slightly more, and I disagree with some of the things she says, such as the whole "nuclear force on Iran" thing recently.
Speaking of the Middle East, kudos to Jimmy Carter for having a meeting with Hamas. This bullshit policy of doing nothing and ignoring problems by not getting involved is ridiculous and this is one of the reasons why I support Obama's pledge to meet with the "evil doers" in the world.
These "evil doers" aren't just common radicals, they are people who clearly have enough charisma and influence to rally a few hundred thousand people behind their cause. They shouldn't be ignored, they should be negotiated with. I would love to meet with each and every one of them to see how they see the world, what the problems in their respective countries are, and what we, as the most powerful nation on the earth, could do to come to a resolution. That right there is democracy.
If I could change one thing in this world, it would be to make people more worldly, more aware of their fellow man, and the different cultures that exist on this planet. We are all one race, one planet, with a history, and our own set of values -- let's try and move forward, instead of upholding ignorance as a principle value that has undoubtedly held us back thus far.
The other little thing I wanted to highlight was the recent revelation that taking photos of a landmark can be regarded as "suspicious activity" to the point of terrorism.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/7351252.stm
I thought America was bad about things, but the more and more I hear about the U.K., particularly London, I understand that you guys are far worse off than we are. The amount of petty b.s. that goes in your country is astounding! Security cameras, traffic wardens, and the idiotic partnership with President Bush is just the tip of the iceberg. But I must admit, you lot are a good bunch of thinkers, and there seems to be a greater majority of informed, progressive citizens there who speak out against the current bullshit than in America. Maybe it's because England is far more "international?"
But yes, anyways, back to the story. I have followed this up with some reading and found that I kind of have the desire to inform an ignorant policeman who stops me for taking photos of a landmark. I'm going to print out a great sheet that contains the unofficial "Photographer's Rights."
The simple thing is, a terrorist is not going to lumber a tripod and SLR camera around to take photos of a landmark. The Internet, Google Eath, cell phone cameras, and other technologies have made it so that you don't have to be "obvious." By the way, when the hell were people who are doing bad things "obvious" about anything? Rapists do not rape people in public view, Drug Lords do not hand over drugs in public places with people watching, and terrorists don't organize their damn plans in the middle of a town square. Whoever came up with the suspicious activity campaign in America and England is an idiot -- fuck you, idiot!
Anyway, that's about it. Inform the masses!
